Ryan Has a Secret
by famous99
Summary: Set after S2 finale. Ryan has withdrawn to the poolhouse and Sandy and Seth are mighty worried.
1. Chapter 1

This is a one shot. It was supposed to be light and humerous, but ended up sort of angsty in the beginning. Still, I couldn't get this plot bunny out of my head. This is totally unbetad. So all mistakes are mine. Sorry.

I don't own the O.C. or any of its characters.

* * *

Sandy was worried about Ryan. Truth be told, he was worried about his whole family, which seemed to be splintering apart slowly but surely, but he was especially troubled by Ryan's behavior. Whereas Seth was slowly getting back to his usual teenage routine; long talks on the phone with Summer, alternating with Internet chats, and peppered with day excursions and nights out, Ryan seemed to be holed up in his room most days, coming out only for a fresh cup of coffee and sustenance every once in a while.

Sandy was concerned that Ryan wouldn't talk; wouldn't express his feelings about Kirsten's rehab and the hateful things that she said to him during the intervention. He wouldn't discuss anything about the night where Trey almost killed him and Marissa had shot his brother. He wouldn't talk about the fact that Trey was in the hospital fighting for his life, only to be sent back to prison if by some miracle he did recover from his life threatening injuries. Ryan just stayed in his rooms most days curled up in his bed reading.

Sandy knew Ryan was trying to escape. He just didn't know how to bring his young charge out of his shell. Should he force Ryan to confront the demons or allow Ryan to do that on his own? Sandy wished there was a manual a book with answers in black and white that spelled out what he was supposed to do, because without Kirsten he was just floundering like a fish out of water.

"Dad, you okay?" Seth asked, coming into the kitchen.

"Yes. Just thinking." Sandy turned and smiled at his curly-headed son.

Seth should probably cut his hair before they went to visit Kirsten next week for their first family therapy session, Sandy thought. It only reminded him that Ryan was refusing to go. Had Kirsten's words cut him so deep that he was questioning his part in their family? The sessions wouldn't work if they weren't all there. He didn't know how to impress that on Ryan. Maybe Seth could.

"What are you up to today?" Sandy asked, taking a bagel from the bread basket and slicing it in half. He put the two halves in the toaster and walked around the island counter to the fridge so he could rummage around for the cream cheese.

"I'm going to help Summer with the Chinese Auction the candy stripers are running at the hospital. There are lots of items to mark and categorize."

"Mom would be proud." Sandy's voice echoed from the empty refrigerator. The house was on empty. "Damn. I need to pick up some groceries. We're out of cream cheese again."

"You want me to go?"

Sandy shook his head. Kirsten wouldn't recognize Seth anymore; he had become so responsible, so mature, and so grown-up in the last month since she had gone to rehab. What a difference from the teenager who had stayed out all night with his girlfriend, stole his grandfather's car to impress her and had tried to sneak out even after being grounded.

"I think I'll try to get Ryan to go. Maybe get him out of the pool house."

Seth snorted. "Good luck with that."

Sandy sighed. So Seth had noticed too. It wasn't just his imagination.

"I tried to get him to come with me last night, but he refused."

"But I thought you went out together?" Sandy furrowed his brows. It had been a relief that Ryan had finally emerged from the pool house, quiet and subdued, but dressed to go out. He'd asked for an extended curfew and though Sandy had hesitated, he had finally agreed because it was Friday night and summer to boot, and because he was so relieved that Ryan was finally doing something other than sulking in his room.

"Nope. He asked me to drop him off and made it clear that whatever he needed to do he needed to do it alone."

Sandy was angry. Ryan had lied to him. When he had grilled him about why he needed the later curfew, his blond-haired son had mentioned a party and assured him that Seth would be there too.

"Are you sure he wasn't there with you?"

Seth, thinking of his previous night's activities with Summer, blushed. "I sure hope not."

Sandy understood and stopped quizzing his son. The toaster pinged and two bagels toasted to light brown perfection popped up. "No cream cheese," muttered Sandy. "Bagels without cream cheese…. It just seems wrong."

Seth slid onto a stool, sipping his coffee, and rifling through the newspaper until he found the arts and leisure section. His father seemed to have no other questions for him, but his curiosity was piqued and he wondered what Ryan had been up to the night before. He had dropped Ryan off at the pier, and Ryan had insisted that he would make it home on his own before curfew and not to worry.

He had worried. He couldn't help but worry. He had wondered if Ryan was going to visit Trey in the hospital, but didn't understand why it had to be such a big secret. His dad had urged Ryan to visit Trey, even if the young man was in a coma. Maybe it was something else, mused Seth. Maybe Ryan was dealing with his pain in his own way. He just hoped it was something healthy like working out in the gym and not drugs or alcohol, because right now they had enough on their plate without adding another substance abuse problem to their families' woes.

"Seth?"

Seth looked up from the paper. He had been staring at the same sentence lost in his own thoughts. "Yeah dad?"

"Has Ryan talked to you?"

Seth shook his head. "No. I'm sorry." He felt like an utter disappointment as he said the words. He knew how much his dad was counting on Ryan to open up to Seth. He had always opened up to Seth when he couldn't open up to anyone else. But this was different.

"Should I bring out some coffee to him?" Seth asked. "Find out what he's up to?"

"No. I'll do that." Sandy took a mug down from the cabinet over the sink. He poured coffee into it and balanced a plate with the dry bagel in his other hand. He hoped Ryan would talk to him.

Sandy kicked the pool house door lightly with his toe. He could see Ryan inside, lying on his side, curled up with a book. Through the slats of shade, he could make out the tousled hair peeking out from under the covers. Ryan, probably unable to hear Sandy's light knock, made no move to answer the door, so Sandy shifted the plate into the same hand as the coffee and opened the door.

"Morning, kid. You up yet?"

Ryan looked up from his book and tried to hide his guilty expression. He stuffed the book under his pillow and for a moment Sandy wondered what he was reading. The book was out of plain sight; not the usual way Ryan read. He had never hid what he was reading before. Maybe it was porn.

"I'm up." Ryan swung his legs over the side of the bed and stuffed his bare feet into his slippers.

Sandy couldn't help but notice the red shot eyes and the darkening circles under the boy's eyes. He would have to press on Ryan and try to get him to open up. He couldn't just let him continue to wallow in his misery. Not that he blamed the boy, but Sandy just wanted Ryan to be well.

Ryan took the coffee Sandy offered him and looked down at his feet.

"Seth tells me you weren't together last night."

Ryan didn't look up, but shook his head.

"Is that a no, Seth's got it wrong or no you weren't together?" Sandy ran his fingers through his hair, wondering how and when things got so complicated.

"Seth's telling the truth." Ryan looked up briefly and said, "I'm sorry I lied," and quickly pointed his eyes down at the carpet again.

"So are you going to tell me where you were?"

"Do I have to? I mean, I was home on time and everything. I didn't break curfew."

"You broke my trust." Sandy sank into the chair across from Ryan's bed. "You told me you'd be hanging out at Summer's place. Where were you?"

Ryan refused to meet his eyes. "I don't want to say. I promise, I wasn't doing anything wrong."

"Except that you lied to me about where you were. That was wrong." Sandy shook his head. "I can't even ground you. You're cooped up in here way too much as it is. Maybe as punishment for lying to me I should make you spend the day with me. That always seems to bum Seth out."

"I'm sorry," Ryan whispered. He didn't offer a defense or try to convince Sandy not to punish him that it was a one time deal.

Sandy mentally kicked himself. He of course had gone about this the wrong way. What did he expect without Kirsten, his right hand, by his side? He didn't want to punish Ryan. He wanted Ryan to open up. He wanted Ryan to face some of the hurt that he was keeping bottled up inside of him. He sighed heavily, wondering how single parents managed at all. He'd been lost since Kirsten had gone to rehab.

"I'm just worried about you kid. So much has happened and you've just withdrawn into yourself."

"I'm okay," Ryan reassured him. He still sat on the edge of the bed, his hands clasped on the mattress, his eyes cast down to the floor. "I'm just keeping busy. Summer reading and all. It's keeping my mind off of things." He stood. "I'm going to take a shower. Thanks for the coffee."

Feeling deflated, discouraged and defeated Sandy shuffled out of the pool house. Seth was still sitting at the counter, his head bent over the paper, a fresh cup of coffee in his mug.

"How'd it go?" Seth asked.

"Wonderful." Sandy didn't hide the sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"Tag out? My turn."

Sandy shrugged. "You can try." He scooped up the car keys off the car country. "I'm going to stock the house with some food before we all starve to death."

"Or go into cream cheese withdrawal," Seth added flippantly.

As soon as his dad was out of the house, he pushed back his seat and walked out to the pool house. The room was empty, but Seth could hear the water running in the bathroom. He strolled around the room, lightly fingering the furniture as if he were doing a white-gloved inspection. His eyes flitted around the pool house, bouncing from the kitchenette to the wicker baskets that served as his dresser, looking for anything that would explain Ryan's odd behavior.

Just like his dad, Seth was worried about Ryan, though if he thought about it, Ryan's behavior made sense. Everyone reacted differently to stress. Seth liked to talk. Ryan liked to brood. There was a chance that his dad was overreacting to Ryan's mysterious excursion, but things weren't the same without his mom and Seth wanted to alleviate whatever anxiety he could for Sandy.

Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, Seth flopped down on the edge of Ryan's bed and waited for Ryan to emerge from the shower. He crossed and uncrossed his legs, ran his fingers along the edge of the summer quilt that was bunched up in the middle of Ryan's bed. That in it self should be a sign that something was wrong, Seth mused. Ryan always made his bed the moment he got out of the bed.

"Seth." Ryan stopped just outside the bathroom door. A towel was wrapped around his waist, and he was using a second towel to dry off his hair. "What's up?"

"Just checking in. Had a good time last night?"

Ryan sighed. "Sandy sent you."

"Nope. Dad told me to leave it alone." Seth fell back on the bed, and spread his arms wide. "But you know me, Curios George and all. Was it a girl? Did Marissa sneak out of the fortress her parents put up and hook up with you?" Seth waggled his brows. "Or have you found another comfort girl."

"It was nothing like that." Ryan walked over to the wicker baskets where he stored his clothes. He pulled out a pair of boxers, a wifebeater, and a pair of jeans. He eyed Seth, realized he wasn't going anywhere and went back into the bathroom to change.

"So tell me Ryan," Seth shouted through the door. "What actually dragged you out of the house on a Friday night?" Seth flipped over onto his stomach and stretched his hands out. The tips of his fingers poked under Ryan's pillow and hit something hard. "What's this?"

Ryan came out, pulling the wifebeater over his head. He noticed Seth reaching under his pillow, pulling out his book.

"No." He shouted and darted across the room, smacking Seth's hand away from his book.

"I can't see what you're reading?"

"Come on. Give me my privacy."

"This is the Cohen house. We don't do privacy. How many times have you woken up to find dad sitting by your bed waiting for you to get up? How many times have I walked in on you getting dressed? How many times has mom walked in on you with a girl in your room? "

Ryan's face flushed.

"What's the big deal if I see what you're reading?" He snaked hand under Ryan's pillow. He pulled out the book and looked down at the top of the page. Seth's mouth spread into a devilish grin. "You've got to be kidding me." He studied the font, noticed the stars that adorned the corners of every page and couldn't help but notice the header on the top of the page. As if a light bulb went off in his head, Seth understood. "So last night, the extended curfew and all, you went to the bookstore, huh?"

Ryan ducked his head. "Give me the book, Seth."

Seth didn't argue. He handed Ryan the book, but he wasn't going to give up. "So did you dress up, Ryan? Wear round dark glasses and a cape and wizards hat? Did you draw a lightening bolt on your forehead?"

"Seth," Ryan seethed through clenched teeth. "Leave it alone."

"Or what? Are you going to hex me? Throw a jinx my way? Do you have a magic wand under your pillow?"

"It's just a book."

"For children."

Ryan stuck a tissue in the book to mark his place, closed it, and stuffed it behind some of his clothes. "The book is for all ages. Adults enjoy it too."

"Teachers and librarians."

"Other adults too." Ryan sighed. "Can we just keep this between the two of us?'

"No way! Dad is worrying out of his mind because you lied about where you went and all you're hiding is that you went to the Harry Potter release party?" Seth couldn't wipe the grin from his face. He hung down over the edge of the bed and stuck his head under it. "Yup. Just as I suspected." Seth pulled out a pile of five volumes, each one slightly larger than the other, with various muted colors on the book jacket. "You've been hanging around all week rereading the other books."

"It's been two years since the last book was published. I wanted the details fresh in my mind." Ryan angrily advanced across the room and grabbed the pile of books from Seth. "This is precisely why I kept this to myself. I knew you'd just laugh."

Seth stifled a snort. "I can't help it. Big bad Chino Ryan reading Harry Potter. It's too funny."

"Well, let's just keep it to ourselves."

"No can do, bro. Dad's wigging out and if this is all that's keeping you holed up in here, then we've got to tell him. But I won't tell anyone else. How could I? It's valuable blackmail material."

Ryan scrunched up his nose, balled up his hand into a fist and pulled it back. Seth ducked.

"Hit me and the world will know. I will take out an ad in Newport Living. I will create a webpage and send a link to the entire Harbor School. So please," Seth implored, rubbing his arm, "leave me in one piece."

Ryan grunted.

They heard gravel crunching under the weight of tires in the driveway.

"It sounds like your dad is home."

"We should help him with the groceries then and tell him about your little escapade last night."

Rolling his eyes, Ryan shook his head. "But if anyone else finds out," he warned, pointing a finger at Seth. "Captain Oats is going down with me."


	2. Chapter 2

I know this was supposed to be a one shot, but I was inspired by many of the comments to continue. Again, a little bit of humor and a little bit of angst. No beta. Sorry.

I don't own any of the characters of the O.C. though I wouldn't mind owning Ben, Adam or Peter for a day or maybe a week. :)

* * *

"Just in time." Sandy smiled as he stood at the back of the Range Rover. "You've come to schlep groceries." He took two overflowing brown paper bags and dumped them into Seth's open arms.

"Oommph," Seth cried as the weight of the bags hit him. "Hungry much?"

Ryan ambled to the back of the van and hefted another two bags in his arms. He smiled shyly at Sandy, so that his guardian would know that everything was okay. Sandy smiled back and put a hand around Ryan's shoulders.

"We'll get through this kid," he said quietly and took the last three bags as he followed the boys into the kitchen.

"Are we expecting a hurricane? Tornado? Tsunami?" Seth teased as he started to unpack. "What's with the food overload?"

"Just because your mother doesn't mind doing a food run twice a week, doesn't mean I have to do it that way. This should last us for a while."

Ryan pulled out a giant jar of peanut butter. He stuck out his lip and raised his brows. "This will last us until the next millennium."

"Peanut butter," Sandy insisted, "is foods for the gods."

"I thought that was cream cheese."

"Don't be a smart ass, Seth."

Seth grinned, and unpacked some more of the groceries. He stole a glance over his shoulder and pointedly looked at Ryan. He didn't want to ruin the easy atmosphere in the kitchen, but Ryan had to tell his dad about the night before. He had seen Sandy uneasily studying Ryan, trying to gauge his mood.

"So, um, Sandy," Ryan faltered.

Sandy's head jerked, immediately distracted from the circular he'd been glimpsing through. "Yeah, kid."

"About last night."

Sandy closed the circular and leaned forward giving Ryan his full attention.

Ryan took a deep breathe. "I told you, I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was just embarrassed to let you know what it was I was doing."

Sandy quirked his brow, but said nothing.

Ryan stared down at his hands, but soldiered on. "I went to the Harry Potter release party," he mumbled quickly so that the words ran together in an unintelligible sentence.

"Pardon?"

"I went to the Harry Potter release party at the book store."

"Oh." Sandy arched his brows. "Did you have fun?"

"That's it?"

"You didn't just confess to going to one of those rainbow parties."

"I was expecting you to react a little more like Seth."

"And how did Seth react?"

"He — was — having — a lot of fun with it."

"Did you hit him?"

Seth, still in the background, squealed in protest. But Ryan ignored him and arched his brows. "I thought I wasn't supposed to fight."

"Well, when Seth gets all smart assy we can make an exception to the rule."

Ryan grinned, relieved that Sandy was joking with him, no longer upset or disappointed that he had lied the night before. Maybe he had been ridiculous to hide the fact that he enjoyed the Harry Potter books. It was just that back in Chino when he and Theresa had first started reading them together they knew they had to hide the books from Trey, Arturo and their gang or else the mocking wouldn't end. He slid his eyes sideways at Seth. He wasn't sure he'd ever hear the end of it from him.

"Thanks dad. I feel the love," Seth called from his perch at the island counter.

Sandy walked over to Seth, tousled his hair and landed a great big kiss on the top of his son's head. He didn't miss the scrunched up face and the melodramatic wiping of the slobber that he had left on top of Seth's head.

"Watch the Jewfro dad. It's one of a kind."

Sandy couldn't help but laugh and just nudged Seth on his stool.

"Listen, both of you," Sandy's voice took on a serious edge. "There is nothing you can't talk to me about. You can always confide in me and I will keep your secrets. You don't have to lie to me. All it does is cause worry and right now that's the last thing we need. Capiche?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry Sandy."

"It's okay." Sandy walked back to the bag of groceries and continued unpacking. "So what are the plans for today? More Harry, Ryan?"

Ryan laughed. "Yeah."

"Why don't you come with me?" Seth offered. "I'm going to help Summer mark and arrange items for the hospital's Chinese Auction and if you're up to it you can visit Trey."

Ryan's stance immediately went rigid, losing the relaxed happy pose he had a minute ago. "I don't think so."

"It's not so scary, you know. I've been to his room. The tubes and pipes are sort of disconcerting at first, but he kind of just looks likes he's sleeping and he looks peaceful."

"Seth. I don't want to go," Ryan snapped and stalked out of the kitchen.

"You tried." Sandy squeezed Seth's shoulder. "He'll come around. This has got to be difficult for him."

Seth shrugged. "I guess." He slid off the stool and added, "I better get going. Summer will be waiting." The joviality was gone from his voice.

Sand was left standing in the kitchen looking from the back door that led to the pool house to the door that led out of the house. Seth or Ryan. Ryan or Seth. He buried his head in his hands and wished Kirsten was standing beside him.

Most of the bruises on Trey's face, the cuts and scratches, were fading. The doctors claimed that Trey's internal injuries were healing too. He'd come out of his coma in no time. "It's just the body's way of mending," they had assured Seth and Sandy on one of their visits to HOAG.

Seth wasn't sure why he visited with Trey every day. Maybe it was because Ryan wouldn't and he didn't think Trey should be alone. Mostly he just sat and talked. It was easy for him to do and Trey didn't seem to mind Seth's incessant rambling. He'd tell him about Ryan, sometimes making things up so that Trey wouldn't worry. He filled him in on things that were happening at home. He had told Trey about Kirsten's drinking problem and her stint at rehab. He had divulged things to Trey he didn't have the courage to tell his dad, or Summer or Ryan; about how he thought Kirsten's drinking problem was partly his fault. He was worried how Kirsten's drinking affected Ryan, given that this wasn't the first time he was dealing with a mom or mom-like figure that turned to the bottle for comfort.

That afternoon, as soon as there was a free minute, Seth lightly kissed Summer on her cheek and told her he was going to visit Trey. The staff in ICU recognized him and waved as he passed through. Carol, Trey's day nurse called out a greeting and told him there was no change.

"Hey Trey. It's me. Seth." He sat down in the vinyl-covered chair next to Trey's bed, scanning the monitor overhead. Carol had explained which numbers measured Trey's heartbeat, and which numbers indicated blood pressure and which indicated blood oxygen level and when he had to be concerned that the monitors beeped and when he didn't. They alarms were always going off and it had becomes like a background noise, much like when he played music in his room while working on homework. He heard it. It was there. But he didn't pay much attention to it.

"Ryan really wanted to come today, but he's all tied up." A devilish grin spread on his face. Ryan had threatened the life of Captain Oats so that Seth should take his secret to the grave. But Trey was unconscious. Even if he could hear everything that Seth said, it would probably stay buried in his subconscious. He stifled a giggle. "You see Trey, last night Ryan went to the Harry Potter release party. Did you know your brother likes to read Harry Potter? He not only reads the latest book in the series, but rereads the old ones before the new one comes out."

Ryan sat in the pool house, with the large oversized book sitting in his lap. He couldn't concentrate on the words on the page, but his mind kept wandering to Seth and Trey. His thoughts and feelings about his brother were so muddled; he didn't know how to make sense of them. He thought going to see Trey in the hospital would just confuse him more. But how crazy was it, that Seth his pseudo brother was the one visiting his own blood brother.

It was all screwed up.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Ryan cast the book aside and jammed his feet into his boots.

"Hey, Sandy." A minute later he was knocking on Sandy's office door. "Is it okay if I take the car?"

"Well, Seth took the Rover." Sandy chewed on his lip and glanced at his watch. "You know, I won't need it for a couple of hours. Do you think you could have it back by then?"

Ryan nodded. "You sure? I could bike over."

"To where?"

"The hospital. I'm going to go visit Trey."

Sandy dug in his pocket and fished out his keys. Tossing it to Ryan he said, "Take the car. Do you want some company?"

Ryan shook his head. "I think I need to do this alone. Thanks," he said, holding up his hand and backing out of the room.

Sandy looked on grateful for the small steps Ryan was taking. Maybe he'd be able to convince Ryan to visit Kirsten after all.

Ryan stood outside of Trey's cubicle listening to Seth spill his secret to Trey. He closed his eyes and clenched his fist, laughing to himself. He knew Seth couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it.

He waited for Seth to leave, staying out of sight, before going to see his brother. Swallowing hard, he surveyed the cubicle, studying the machines and avoided landing his gaze on Trey.

"Hey." He finally said. "Seth said the doctors said it was a good idea to talk to you. But you know I'm not good with talking." Ryan stood behind the chair, tapping the back of it. "I see Seth spilled my secret." He laughed. "He's in for it now. I told him I'd mess with him if he told anyone." _His ass is mine_, thought Ryan. He sighed heavily again. "I really don't want to see you anymore. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want you for a brother. Your nearly raped my girlfriend and then you tried to kill me." He smacked the back of the chair, the vinyl stuck to his hand. "This was a mistake. We can't make peace Trey. It's over. I'm sorry."

He turned on his heels and left, expecting Trey to call out to him. Of course he couldn't. He wasn't sure if Trey even heard. And if Trey woke up, he'd probably have to go into it again. But it didn't matter. Ryan knew he still had a brother. It just wasn't Trey. It was Seth. Seth who always had his back. Even if he ran off at the mouth a little bit too much.

Ryan was glad to see that the Rover wasn't in the drive-way when he got back home. It meant it gave him time to put his plan into action. He returned the keys to Sandy, said he wasn't ready to talk about it and set about getting revenge on Seth.

Seth didn't even see his room until it was close to midnight. He and Summer had gone out for dinner and a movie. When he got back home, he went out to the pool house and cajoled Ryan into abandoning his world of wizards and magic for a round of ninja battles. They had only turned in at Sandy's insistence, though they had reminded him that it was summer break and it meant they could sleep late.

"But the noise from the game and your running commentary are driving me insane."

Ryan, who hardly ever argued with Sandy, admitted he was ready to go back to his books. Defeated, Seth went up to his room.

The note was in middle of his bed on a large piece of construction paper. Letters had been cut out from newspapers and magazines. It said, "You'll never see your horse again."

Seth looked over at his night table. Captain Oats was gone. Frantically, he jumped to the floor, and lay flat on his stomach, checking under his bed. No horse. He opened up every drawer in his dresser, pulling out all his clothes. He rummaged around his computer desk, checking behind the pencil holder and sharpener and other paraphernalia he kept there. He searched his closet and every inch of the room. One hour later despondently Seth sat in the midst of the blizzard that had hit his room, with his hands in his laps and his chin hanging down to his chest. Captain Oats was really gone.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter was hastily finished for **storymom** and **overnighter** who are both bored at work today. Enjoy.

I don't own the O.C or any of its characters.

* * *

Seth's head felt like there was a drum major in his head the next morning. He had finally dozed off when the sun had started to come up and a quick glance at the clock told him it was barely eight in the morning. Groggily, he sat up and appraised the heap of clothes, CDs, art supplies and other things piled in middle of the room. Suddenly, it all came flooding back to him. Captain Oats was gone.

He stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom. He was standing in front of the toilet, hands at his side; when he finally cracked an eye open. A sheet of computer paper hung over the toilet. He opened both eyes, squinting at the bright lights. In the center was a picture of Captain Oats, there was no mistaking his horse, his rear end hanging by a noose.

"Next time it's the neck," the note ominously read in a large black letters.

Seth groaned. Last night, he had tossed and turned, wondering who had taken his horse. Ryan had crossed his mind, but how would Ryan know that he had spilled his secret to a comatose Trey? So he had considered all the other possibilities and had come up blank. Now he was certain it was Ryan. Who else, aside from Sandy, had access to his room in middle of the night and he was certain that the note had not been there the night before.

He guessed it could be his father. But why would Sandy take his horse? He had been the perfect, considerate teenager since his mother had left to rehab. He helped around the house. He told his father where he was going and when he was expected back. He told him who he was going to be with and checked in if he was running late or had been out most of the day. He always had his cell phone on and never ignored one of Sandy's calls. No, it wasn't his father. It was certainly Ryan.

Now all Seth had to figure out was how to get the horse back.

He threw on a tee shirt and jeans over a clean pair of underwear and was about to head downstairs when there was a knock on the door.

"Seth. Are you up?" Sandy opened the door a crack and stuck his head inside.

"Yeah Dad. Come on in."

"What the hell happened here?" Sandy ambled in, kicking aside a rolled up map of the Pacific Ocean. "I didn't hear about any tornadoes or hurricanes on this coast."

"I was looking for something." He wedged his feet into a pair of moccasins.

"Did you find it?"

Seth shook his head. "What's up?" He asked to change the subject. "What brings you up into my inner sanctum, the Holy of Holies?"

"I was wondering what you had planned for today. I'm going out to visit Mom."

"Oh. Should I come?"

Sandy shook his head. "No." He ran his fingers along the edge of Seth's dresser. "I'm going to prepare her for the fact that Ryan might not come this week for our family therapy session. I discussed it with her therapist and we shouldn't just spring it on her."

"Should I talk to Ryan, see if he'll change his mind?" Seth didn't think that Ryan would be to open to listening to him at this point. But if his dad wanted, he'd give it a try.

"No. No. I'll take care of it. It's something I should do. I'll give it one more try, but only after I talk with your mom." Sandy brushed his hand along Seth's neck. "It didn't work, by the way. Changing the subject, that is," Sandy clarified. "I still want to know what you're looking for. Are you missing your drug stash, because I flushed it down the toilet yesterday?"

"Only one?" Seth shot back.

"Are you going to tell me what's missing?"

"Something near and dear."

"Okay. Okay." Sandy held up his hands in surrender. "Don't tell me. But clean this up before you go. I don't want Rosa to think she has to clean up after you. Not like this."

"Yes sir." Seth bit down the resentment of having his father tell him to clean up his room, as he mocked saluted Sandy. Not that he minded or he wouldn't do it. Rosa had enough to do without Kirsten overseeing the house. He guessed it was just instinct to begrudge being told what to do, though it bothered him a little that his dad was treating him like a child when he had been putting such a huge effort to prove that he wasn't.

"So what are you doing today?" Sandy asked again.

Seth shrugged. "Looking for my near and dear object?"

"Well, call me on my cell if you need me. See you later?"

Sandy waved and left Seth alone in his room.

Seth peeked out of the room to make sure his dad was gone. This was between him and Ryan. He'd get to the bottom of it without Sandy's interference. As much as Seth loved and appreciated his dad, he wanted to resolve this on his own.

The coast was clear and Seth slunk out of his room and bounded down the steps and into the kitchen. Ryan was sitting at the counter, his head bent down over the arts & leisure section of the newspaper, surely reading a book review on Harry Potter and shoveling a heaping spoonful of cereal and milk into his mouth.

"Good Morning, Ryan." Seth pasted a sickeningly sweet smile on his face. "How are you this morning?"

"Fine," Ryan mumbled through a mouthful of food.

"Glad to hear that. Now will you return my horse?"

Ryan shook his head. "No."

"Why not?" Seth whined.

"Because you told Trey about… what you weren't supposed to tell anyone."

"Come on, Ryan. The guy's in a coma. Even if he can hear me, he won't remember anything when he comes out." If he comes out, Seth thought. "Wait. How do you know that I told Trey?"

"I heard you. I was outside of Trey's cubicle and heard every word you said."

Seth stopped his pacing. "You went to see Trey?" He slipped into a stool beside Ryan. "How was that?" He grabbed the cereal box next to Ryan, peered inside, trying to act nonchalant, and plucked a few Captain Crunch from the box.

Ryan shrugged his shoulders.

"This is not the time for the famous Ryan Atwood silence. Come on, man. You were dead set against seeing him. But you went."

"I needed to settle things." Ryan looked down at the paper and flipped the page. "It's over." He looked up at Seth with icy hard blue eyes. "I'm done with Trey. He nearly raped my girlfriend and then he tried to kill me. He wanted to kill me. I know I started. I know I went after him. But there's a difference between an ass kicking between brothers and what Trey was trying to do. We're done. I don't want to see him again. He's dead to me."

"That's intense."

"The Atwoods are an intense family." Ryan looked away from Seth and concentrated on his newspaper and cereal. "It doesn't matter. I still have you."

Seth's lips curled into a smile. Ryan was trying to act all suave and natural, but he heard the heartfelt goodness in Ryan's voice. It was finally one hundred percent official – now that Ryan had said it – he and Ryan were brothers. A brother would give Captain Oats back and wouldn't keep it away, causing him unnecessary pain and suffering.

"And I'm not giving you back your horse. He'll be safe for now. But you opened your mouth once and I don't trust you. Consider Captain Oats collateral."

"You know, this is war."

"May the best man win." Ryan smirked.

Seth slammed his palm on the counter and winced. "Ouch. That smarts."

Ryan buried his head, hiding the pleasure on his face. But his shoulders shook and a snort escaped and finally, he let it all out.

"Hhhmmph. Brothers, huh? A brother like you is much like having a water polo player peeing in your shoes. I miss the days when you had my back."

Seth stalked out of the kitchen, not really angry, but determined to find his horse. He went out the front door and quietly slunk around the house to the backyard. He peered inside the kitchen and saw Ryan was sipping a fresh cup of coffee and reading. Hopefully, it would keep him busy for a while.

He should have dressed in black. Black was stealth. But there had been no time. Seth, tiptoed into the pool house and stood inside the entranceway, hands on his hips, debating where to start. He went to the kitchen and opened up all the cabinets, surprised that they were fairly empty. He pulled everything out and set it on the counter, tapping the cabinets for any secrete compartments but found nothing.

Next, Seth went for the wicker cabinets where Ryan stored his clothes. He knew Ryan prided himself on being neat and clean, but Seth didn't care. He pulled out the myriad of cotton shirts, and ribbed wifebeaters, shaking them out before tossing them to the floor. He turned over Ryan's mattress, pulling up the bedding, leaving a heap on the floor and found a stash of Playboy magazines. Seth paused to leaf through them, before continuing his search. Apparently, Ryan kept his naked women next to Harry Potter, because there had been a clunk when he threw the bedding on the floor and he had glimpsed a hint of green. Poor innocent Harry was forever compromised. Seth pulled up the cushions from the various chairs and couches in the pool house. No Captain Oats. Where had Ryan put his horse?

Ryan stood outside the pool house and watched Seth take apart his room. He bit his lip, hoping not to laugh out loud. He wouldn't want to disturb Seth's great search. He dug into his pocket and pulled out Captain Oats. "I'll keep you close with me today," he whispered. He went back into the kitchen, scrawled a not to Seth and Sandy telling them that he was off to visit Marissa, and left Seth to turn his room upside down.

Fifteen minutes later, most of Ryan's worldly possessions were in middle of the pool house and still he hadn't turned up Captain Oats. Scratching his head, Seth wondered where he should try next. He'd even checked inside of the toilet. Could Ryan have taken the horse with him? Nah. Seth shook his head. Ryan wouldn't be caught walking around with a plastic horse. It just wasn't in his room. Seth left the pool house, noticed the kitchen was empty. Ryan would probably punch him when he saw the room, but he wasn't going to clean it up.

Ooh, Seth thought. He had promised his dad he wouldn't leave his room a mess for Rosa. He'd better go and clean it up while planning his next step.

Later that afternoon, Ryan sat in middle of his bed, cutting out letters from a magazine. He hadn't picked up Seth's mess yet. He was debating if he should drag Seth back into the pool house and make him clean up or if he would do it himself. In the meanwhile, he wanted to prepare Seth's next love letter. He was busy thumbing through the pages, hoping to find the next word or letter, and didn't hear Sandy come in.

"What happened in here? Someone ransack your room?"

Startled, Ryan looked up, trying to shove the paper and scissors out of sight. "Seth was looking for something."

"His near and dear object?"

"Yeah."

"Do you happen to have his near and dear object?"

"I plead the fifth."

Sandy pursed his lips. "As long as it stays fun, I'll stay out of it."

"No worries."

Sandy put the cushion back in place and bent down to pick up some of Ryan clothes. He sat down and folded the shirts.

"What's up?" Ryan asked, suddenly worried that he had done something else wrong. Maybe he shouldn't have visited Marissa, but he hadn't seen her since the shooting and wanted to make sure she was all right. Jimmy hadn't seemed upset that he had showed up. But maybe he had called Sandy.

"I went to see Kirsten this morning."

"How is she?"

"She's getting stronger. She's determined to get better for her boys."

Ryan focused on the cut out letters in front of him. He rearranged them, forming nonsense words.

"Ryan, the doctor thinks it's important that we all attend the family therapy session. You are part of our family."

"She didn't think to seem so."

"I know Kirsten hurt you at the intervention. I wish I could take it away. But this is something you and Kirsten need to work out yourselves."

"She doesn't want me here. She never wanted me here."

"How can you say that? Kirsten opened her heart to you. Do you know how devastated she was when you left last summer? I know things have been rough this year. But that's why it's so important for us to do this therapy."

Sandy could see the muscles in Ryan's neck expand and contract, but his young ward said nothing.

"Kirsten will understand if you don't come. I told her this morning you wouldn't be coming. I hope you'll reconsider. She'd really like you to. She's doing this for you as much as Seth. Probably more. She said it wasn't fair that you had another family torn apart by alcohol."

"I'll think about it," Ryan finally said.

"That's all I ask for now, kid. Thanks." Sandy stood to leave. He looked around again and sighed. "I'll get Seth to help you clean this mess."


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I'm so glad you're all enjoying it. A little less humor. A little more angst. But Captain Oats is still at large.

This is unbetad. All mistakes are mine. Though characters belong exclusively to the O.C and Fox and WB.

* * *

Ryan ran his tongue over his teeth, trying to block out Sandy's words. It didn't work. They kept repeating over and over in his head with images of Kirsten the last day, before she went to rehab, flashing before his eyes. He could feel her arms around him as she said good-bye. It wasn't the hug of someone who hated him. Yet he couldn't shake Kirsten's words. _I let you into this house_.

He scrambled off the bed and rummaged through the pile of clothes that Seth had left in middle of his room and pulled out a wifebeater and a pair of shorts. He needed to run. He needed to clear his head. He quickly changed and darted into the kitchen, where he found Sandy sitting at the table with his head bowed.

"Sandy," he said softly. "I'm going to run on the beach."

Sandy looked up. "Okay. Take your cell."

"Sure thing. See you in an hour or so."

He went back into the pool house and found his cell in his pants pocket. He clipped it onto the waistband of his shorts and then remembered Captain Oats. His shorts didn't have any pockets, but there was no way he was leaving Captain Oats where Seth could find him again. He was having too much fun playing with Seth's head. He'd have to just run with the horse in his hand. He'd worry about what people would think some other time. Keeping Seth away from Captain Oats was the only thing keeping him sane these days.

He was out the door, when he remembered his ipod. Music, especially one of Seth's mixes, would drown out his thoughts. The running would keep the images away as he concentrated on his breathing and the pain he was sure to feel. He didn't run often enough to think he wasn't going to be in pain.

He followed the path down to the beach, stopping only to stretch his legs before reaching the sand. He hopped slightly and set off, sprinting through the sand, which was much harder than the movies made it look. Music pulsated in his ears and his shins started to burn almost right away and a stitch started to form in his side, but Trey and Kirsten and Sandy and even Seth permeated his mind. He couldn't shake them.

Had he done the right thing with Trey? Could he really cut off his brother from his life? They were blood after all. Kirsten wasn't his blood. She wasn't his mother. Though sometimes he liked to pretend she was. He didn't have a right to expect anything from her. Not trust, respect or love. He was living in her house, going to a fancy private school on her dime, and he was treated like a part of her family because of her kindness and because of Sandy's trust. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that at the very least he owed it to Sandy to try and make things okay for them. To put aside his hurt feelings and to try family therapy so Kirsten could come home again.

He focused on the jogger just a few meters ahead of him and inhaled sharply, putting on a burst of speed to overtake him. He pumped his arms, Captain Oats swinging wildly at his side. He went ahead of one jogger and then another. His sides felt like they were splitting. Sweat dripped from his head and into his eyes, blurring his vision and leaving a burning sensation in his eyes. If Kirsten came home, then Seth would have his family again. He would go to family therapy for Seth and Sandy so that they could have their family again.

"Yo. Atwood. Hey. Come on. Slow down."

Ryan skidded to a halt, his heels grinding against the grainy sand. He turned around and was taken aback to see Luke Ward standing just a few yards away from him.

"Luke," he panted.

"You look intense."

Ryan bent over to massage his legs, hoping to hide his heavy breathing. It was embarrassing that he was so out of shape. No point in lying to Luke about still being on the soccer team. There was no way he'd be breathing so heavily if he was doing the coach's drills on a daily basis.

"Trying to clear my head." He looked up. "What are you doing back in town?"

"Visiting my mom and brothers. Dad and his… boyfriend went on a couples cruise."

Ryan cocked his brow. "How is your mother?"

Luke smiled, grateful that Ryan had not harped on his obvious discomfort. He was getting used to his father's lifestyle, but it was still new and strange to him. "She's okay. I heard about… well… everything. Marissa filled me in."

"You spoke to Marissa?"

Ryan straightened up and gazed out at the ocean.

"I went to visit her yesterday." Luke fell in step with his one time nemesis and they started to walk amicably along the beach. The waves lapped onto shore, licking their feet and knocking their ankles. "She's… well…"

"I know. I saw her today. She's messed up and it's my fault."

"From what I hear, it's your brother's fault."

Even though they weren't touching each other, Luke could feel Ryan stiffen beside him. He bit his tongue, wishing he could take back his words. Ryan was loyal to those he cared about, what was he thinking bad mouthing his brother?

"Yeah. I guess. But it's my fault Trey was here."

"Actually, from what I hear, it was Mr. Cohen who insisted that Trey stay with you."

Ryan stopped walking, tilted his head to the side and cocked his head to the side. "You sure are caught up."

"Yeah, well welcome to the O.C."

"Bitch," Ryan concluded and laughed.

Luke's eyes fell to Ryan's hand. "Um. Ryan. Why are you holding a plastic horse?"

Ryan's face flushed. It figured he would be caught by Luke in some sort of embarrassing position. "Um." He scratched the back of his neck. "It's Seth's."

"Okay," Luke drawled. "Cohen would have a plastic horse. But why are you running with it? In public?"

"It's a long story. This is my revenge."

Ryan wished he could bury his head, so Luke wouldn't notice the color rushing to his face. Realizing he had no choice, Ryan filled Luke in on the kidnapping of Captain Oats, careful not to offer any details about why he was seeking revenge on Seth. Luke listened, asking a few questions, trying to goad Ryan into spilling the whole story. He should have known better. Ryan only offered small tidbits of his life and was careful to keep most of it close to the vest.

Ryan continued, explaining his intent was to slowly torture Seth with pictures of his plastic horse in precarious situations and ominous threats.

"I'm just running out of ideas. Actually," he admitted. "I didn't have that many to begin with."

Luke looked around. "Drown the horse."

Ryan stuck out his lip. "I don't have a camera with me."

"My phone has a camera." Luke shrugged his shoulders. "I'll e-mail it to you when I get back to my mom's place."

Ryan grinned. "I'm game, but are you sure?" When Luke reassured him that he had nothing better to do, Ryan stuck Captain Oats in the sand, making sure the horse was firmly in place. He didn't want the water to wash it away. Luke focused the camera and snapped a few shots.

"You know, Cohen is way too easy to toy with."

"I agree."

"Is he going out of his mind?"

"You should come see my room. He ransacked it."

"If one of my brothers did that, they'd be eating through straws for a month."

"You're such a big talker." Ryan knocked into Luke's side. Luke just laughed and was interrupted by the jingle of Ryan's phone.

"Journey?" Luke raised his brows and then shook his head. "That I even know what group that is, is just wrong."

Ryan ignored Luke's jibe and pulled out his cell phone, seeing the Cohens' number on the caller ID. "Hey," he said. He listened to Sandy's worried voice on the other end and glanced at his watch.

Luke watched as Ryan's demeanor changed. His back grew rigid. His cheek muscles twitched. His fingers went white.

"Sorry, Sandy. I met Luke on the beach. Luke Ward," he explained. "Yeah. He's in town visiting his mom. Okay," he said after a short pause. "I'll ask." He covered the mouth piece. "Can you come for dinner? Sandy wants me home."

"I've got to get home too. But we'll hang? Maybe hit a couple of parties?"

"Sounds good." He turned back to the phone. "I'll be home soon, Sandy. Sorry for not calling. Oh and Sandy," Ryan called before he lost courage. "I've thought about it some more and if you really want, I'll come with you and Seth." He didn't wait to hear Sandy's response, but instead pressed the end button and flipped the phone close before clipping it back to his waistband. "It's been tough for Sandy without Kirsten," Ryan explained apologetically. He bent over and picked up the horse, drying it off on the bottom of his tee shirt and shorts.

"Yeah. I heard about that too," Luke replied. "She'll be okay."

"I hope so."

Later that night, after another forced family dinner and after he and Seth cleaned the pool house — Sandy had insisted it get done before Rosa came in the morning — Ryan sat down with his laptop. He checked his e-mail and true to his word, Luke had sent the pictures. He sucked in his cheeks, hiding the laughter bubbling inside of him. One of the shots was perfect. Luke had snapped just as a wave had crashed over the plastic horse, but Captain Oats was clearly visible.

He inserted the picture into MS Word and changed the font into large block letters. Next time, he typed, the horse goes out to sea. Ryan glanced over the document was satisfied with his results and briefly wondered what he could do with some photo editing software. Pushing the thought aside, promising he'd play with it next time, he pressed print and watched the paper come out.

He glanced around to make sure no one was watching and stood on a chair to get to the air conditioning vent. Luke had suggested the hiding place so he wouldn't have to carry Captain Oats around with him all the time. Satisfied that the horse was well hidden, Ryan stuffed a roll of scotch tape into his pocket, and went into the big house.

Seth was slumped in front of the T.V. mindlessly flipping through the channels, not stopping long enough to know what the programs were about. Ryan crept by and went up the stairs to Seth's room.

"Why are you skulking around, Ryan?"

Ryan stopped in his tracks, his eyes open wide, looking as if he had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He turned slowly and faced Sandy.

"Oh. Hey. Hi, Sandy."

Sandy grinned wide. "We've already established you're the world's worst liar. So tell me why you're being all sneaky and secretive."

"I'm just leaving Seth something."

"There's something going on between the two of you."

"We're okay."

"Seth looks pretty upset."

"Well, as soon as I put this down in his room, I'll go play some videogames with him." He held up his paper, but made sure to hide the text from Sandy.

"You know, I'm here, ready to listen."

"I know. Really. Seth and I are okay. I'm just having a bit of fun at his expense."

Sandy seemed satisfied, so Ryan turned back to Ryan's room.

"Oh. Ryan. Thanks for agreeing to do the family therapy. It wouldn't be complete without you."

Seth found the note after an hour long marathon of PS2 with Ryan. They'd skirted around the issue of Captain Oats. Ryan didn't admit to having the horse and Seth didn't admit to needing the horse. And he did need Captain Oats, his one constant since he had been a little boy. It had been a gift from his grandmother. One she gave him when she was sick with the cancer. At the time, he had been too young to notice that she was becoming very frail. That if he just breathed too hard in her direction, he could knock her over. When she had died, Seth had found the horse a great source of comfort.

When he got older and the jocks had taunted him at school and when he had no friends to turn to, Seth had turned to Captain Oats. On the rare occasion his parents would argue, and he wasn't sure how they would ever make up, because their voices were so loud and angry, Seth had held Captain Oats wishing the fury away. Since Ryan had moved in, Seth had made light of his dependence on Captain Oats, but in truth, with Kirsten in rehab and his family slowly falling to pieces, Seth needed his little plastic horse close to his side. Ryan thought he was having fun, but Seth was going out of his mind.

He heard the television set still going down the stairs so Seth tiptoed down the stairs, making sure Ryan was glued to the set. He carefully walked out to the pool house to conduct another search. He wouldn't tear it apart like he had done before. Even with Ryan's help, it had taken them hours to put everything back the way it was. At least Ryan hadn't seemed upset by it, though he couldn't say the same for Sandy. It was futile. Ryan had hidden the horse well.

He left the pool house and heard noises in the kitchen. He looked up and saw Ryan and realizing that he was about to come out, Seth ducked behind one of the lounge chairs. He watched Ryan go inside and move about the room, grabbing sweats and an undershirt before heading into the bathroom. He knew it was creepy to stalk his brother like this; watch him through a window, but Seth was determined to get back his horse.

He wasn't disappointed when Ryan emerged from the bathroom, dressed for bed. He dragged a chair over to the door near the bathroom and reached up with something in his hand. It took Seth a moment to realize what Ryan was doing, but it clicked, like a light bulb going on in his head. Ryan was hiding Captain Oats in the air conditioning vents. Not a bad hiding place, he thought. Obviously, Ryan watched Veronica Mars too.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks everyone for all the encouraging comments. No Kirsten yet, but here's another update. And I don't own the O.C. any of it's characters or anything remotely resembling Captain Oats.

* * *

Seth was already in the kitchen when Ryan came into the house for breakfast. He stood against the counter holding a mug close to his lips with one hand and a section of the newspaper with the other. He made a point of ignoring Ryan as his brother opened the cabinet in search of clean bowl and mug. Even though he was in the way, Seth didn't move, forcing Ryan to work around him.

Ryan cleared his throat, clearly annoyed. "Seth?"

"Yes?" Seth looked up, the picture of innocence on his face.

"Do you think you can move an inch or so?" Seth moved closer to Ryan. "In the other direction. I'm hungry."

"Really? I'm lonely. Now, you have a small kitchen in your room, but me? What do I have? My brother and I aren't speaking because he stole my horse and of course my horse—"

"Your horse is plastic. And since when aren't we speaking?"

"Don't talk like that about Captain Oats. He might get insulted."

"What makes you think he could hear you?"

"You're right. I doubt he could hear me from here." Seth took a long deep sip of his coffee. "Tell me Ryan, when did you start watching Veronica Mars?"

"Veronica who?" Ryan was glad to see that Seth was out of his slump, but he was starting to wonder if he had truly driven Seth to insanity.

"Come on. Cute little blonde. Likes to solve mysteries. Neptune, California."

"There's no such place as Neptune, California."

Seth scrunched up his nose in confusion. Ryan was a terrible liar. He couldn't bluff if his life depended on it. He wasn't sure how Ryan thought of hiding the horse in the air conditioning vents, but it certainly wasn't from watching the latest teen drama on television. Not that he should be surprised. It wasn't really Ryan's sort of thing; even if one of the actors bore a strong resemblance to the guy in juvie who had been catcalling at his mother.

Bending over the bowl he had finally managed to prepare, Ryan stuffed a heaping spoonful of Honeycombs and milk in his mouth. He watched Seth from the corners of his eyes, waiting for the next odd remark. It came only a moment later.

"I hope Captain Oats isn't cold, wherever you put him. I wouldn't want him to catch a chill."

Ryan narrowed his eyes. Seth obviously had seen his hiding place. He was relieved he hadn't put Captain Oats back when he was through the night before, but now he would have to find another place. Unless he wanted to end their game before he was finished.

"It's plastic," Ryan repeated. "I don't think you need to worry."

Seth smiled slyly. He'd have Captain Oats before the day was out. But when Ryan was finally occupied in another part of the house and he climbed on a chair to retrieve his beloved horse, it wasn't there.

"Do I have stupid tattooed to my face?" Ryan's voice startled Seth causing him to stumble on the chair and he careened to the floor. Ryan laughed, but rushed to his side. "You okay, man? Anything hurt? Aside from your dignity?"

With Ryan's help, Seth stood. "It's my dignity that hurts." He rubbed his backside.

"Better luck next time," Ryan smirked.

"So when do I get him back? I don't think this is even. I mean, Trey is unconscious. He can't tell anyone and I won't."

"I'm just going to make sure of it." He winked.

"I think I preferred it when you brooded and sulked."

"I don't brood and sulk."

Seth arched his brow.

"Okay. I sulk," Ryan conceded. "I'm sure I'll have the chance again."

"Dad's thrilled you're coming to family therapy."

"And you?"

Seth shrugged. "You're part of the family. I don't get why you got a pass on that one. I figured that in the end dad would insist on your participation."

"Is Sandy forcing you?" Ryan hadn't considered that. He figured that Seth wanted to go. He hadn't imagined that Sandy would need to prod him, but then he recalled how Seth had refused to join the intervention and only came at the tail end. Sandy hadn't demanded anything of them that day. He wouldn't start now.

"No. I agreed right away. If only to see mom. I miss her."

"Yeah." Ryan gazed out the window and absently started at the ocean as his thoughts wandered. "I miss her too," he muttered. He shook himself as if freeing himself from a daze. "Luke's in town." He shoved another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. "I told him to come over later," he continued with his mouth full. "Will you be here?"

Seth's eyes lit up. Who would have imagined that the guy who had once continuously tormented him in school would be his friend? They e-mailed regularly, though Luke had never mentioned he was returning to Newport for the summer. But it could have been last minute plans and Seth had not been very sociable online or in person during the last few weeks.

"I'll be here. Let me know when he gets here."

"Sure."

Luke arrived at the Cohens and immediately went through the back bypassing the main house so he and Ryan could conduct another photo shoot. He brought along some of his brothers' action figures and plastic animals. Ryan had liked his latest idea.

"Hey Cohen," Luke entered the kitchen twenty minutes later. He put out his hand so Seth could slap it, and rolled his eyes when Seth missed.

"Hey. Luke." Seth leaned against the counter. "So what are you planning this summer?"

"My mom got mea job at the country club as a lifeguard." Luke slipped into a chair at the kitchen table and gratefully accepted the tall glass of ice tea Ryan offered. "It's only three days a week though. I needed a break. You know?"

Seth nodded. "Yeah. My dad started making noise about me getting a job a few days ago. But he didn't push the issue."

"He did?" Ryan grabbed a chair and sat next to Luke.

"Yeah." Seth sighed. "But you were too busy reading – I mean brooding – in the pool house."

Ryan glared at Seth, but Seth just smiled wide, showing all his teeth.

Luke's eyes darted back and forth, trying to understand the subtext that he was missing, but shrugged his shoulder when he realized they wouldn't explain. So he left Seth and Ryan alone and mumbled something about needing the bathroom. He felt his pocket for the pictures of Captain Oats he and Ryan had printed out.

Seth found the next "letter" — and there was more than one all showing pictures of Captain Oats in compromising positions— taped to the inside of his close door later that day as he was getting ready to go out with Summer. He stared in horror. The picture showed Captain Oats mounted on… Seth squinted his eyes trying to decipher what he was seeing. It looked like another horse or maybe it was a cow. The other three shots — and Seth had to tilt his head sideways — showed his horse in different compromising positions. "Don't Worry," was printed on one sheet. "I take care of all his needs," was on another. "No distress neighing here," was printed on the third. "Only from ecstasy," on the fourth.

His cheeks grew red hot. He could feel the steam rise to the top of his head. This joke had gone far enough. Playing with Captain Oat's virtue was just plain wrong. He ripped down the papers, crumpled them up and jammed them into the trash can. After taking a few deep breaths, Seth flew down the stairs, through the kitchen, and out to the pool house. He ignored Sandy's concerned queries; he was so focused on ending this once and for all.

"It's not funny anymore."

Startled, Ryan looked up from his book. He was on his second read through of _Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince_. "The horse has needs." He sat up, pushing himself back up on the pillows, not bothering to hide his amused expression.

"You're not even in on it alone anymore. Who did you drag into your little game? Luke? You were nowhere near my room today."

"He saw me with the horse when I was running on the beach last night. I had to explain."

"Oh." Seth wildly waved his hands around the room. "So then he knows about this?" He pointed a finger at Ryan's book.

"Ah. Not exactly."

"Well, if you compromise Captain Oat's virtue, if you don't protect his innocence all bets are off and the world and Luke with know."

"You don't want to go there Seth. I'm a master at this game."

"Then give me back my horse."

Ryan sucked in his cheeks. "But that would end all my fun."

"Your fun. Not my fun."

"Maybe. But for a change, I thought it was my turn to live a little." He brought his knees to his chest, and wrapped his arms around his legs. Resting his chin on the top of his knees he said, "You're not really mad, are you?"

"Actually, I'm irritated and pissed. I want my horse back. And you know what, until you give it to me Ryan, I'm not talking to you." Seth turned his back to Ryan and stormed out of the pool house.

Ryan looked on after him, unsure if Seth was kidding or not. Regardless, Ryan knew Seth couldn't keep quiet long enough to actually stop talking to him. He'd keep Captain Oats for just a little while longer.


	6. Chapter 6

Okay, so I didn't get to the therapy. I tried. It just didn't happen. Don't shoot me! Not much humor in this chapter...

I promise I loved Junebug. You'll see.

I don't own it.

* * *

Ryan was glad he hadn't taken any bets on how long Seth would stop speaking with him, because a day and a half had passed and Seth hadn't uttered one word in his direction. He was starting to feel lonely. If it weren't for Luke, Captain Oats probably would have been returned to his rightful owner.

He had stopped the notes though. He didn't have the heart to torment Seth anymore; he just didn't know how to give back the horse. Every time he tried to go up to Seth's room to just leave Captain Oats on his bed either Sandy or Seth had been around. He had just wanted to do it privately, unobtrusively. He didn't want to just hand it over and admit defeat.

Ryan pulled up the shades when he finished getting dressed and noticed Seth in the kitchen sipping his coffee and picking at a bagel. Not in the mood to be ignored he stayed away as long as he could, but Seth wasn't getting up from the counter and his stomach was growling. Ryan glanced at his watch. He didn't have much choice. He'd have to face Seth or miss eating breakfast. Sandy had mentioned he wanted an early start to Suriak, the treatment center where Kirsten was staying.

Giving in to hunger Ryan opened the pool house door and headed across the patio to the kitchen. Sandy was sitting next to Seth at the counter by the time he arrived.

"G'Morning," he mumbled.

"Good morning," Sandy answered brightly.

Seth said nothing.

Ryan looked at Seth from the corner of his eyes, hoping to see something there, but Seth's head was buried in the newspaper. Sandy seemed to notice the exchange, but said nothing.

"So, Ryan, I was just telling Seth that I was hoping to leave by ten o'clock. Will you be ready?"

"Sure." He poured coffee into his mug. "No problem."

"Great." Sandy patted the counter. "What about you, Seth? Will you be ready?"

"Yeah. Yeah." Seth pushed back the stool and stood up. "Just give me a shout when you're ready."

Sandy's gaze followed Seth out of the kitchen and then he turned to Ryan. "Is everything okay between the two of you?"

Ryan shrugged. He didn't want to lie to Sandy, but didn't want him to worry about anything else. Sandy had enough on his plate just staying abreast on all the household things Kirsten usually took care of, and worrying about Kirsten, and it was pretty obvious that Sandy was lonely and lost without his wife.

Trying to divert the conversation Ryan asked, "Did Seth want to come to the therapy?"

Sandy furrowed his brows. "Why do you ask?"

Ryan shrugged. "He didn't want to come to the intervention. I was curious if you maybe insisted he do family therapy."

"I didn't insist with you. Why would I force Seth?"

Ryan stared into his mug and muttered, "It's not the same."

"It's not? Why not?" Sandy ran a hand through his hair, trying to hide the tired expression on his face. Once again he was feeling out of his depth. "Look, kid. I know Kirsten said some really hurtful things during the intervention. I know that it probably got you questioning your place in the family. But I don't think of you any less a son than Seth."

Ryan refused to meet Sandy's gaze, but he could hear him sighing from across the room.

"Kirsten loves you too. She loves you like a son. She thinks of you as her son. What she said, it was a cornered animal lashing out. It was the booz."

"Whatever." He pushed himself off the counter and started to walk out of the kitchen, even though he hadn't eaten.

"Ryan, please don't walk away." Sandy closed his eyes. "Ryan, please, talk to me. Please," he begged. When Ryan stopped mid-stride, Sandy continued. "This is something you and Kirsten need to work out. That's why I was so anxious for you to come to therapy. It's going to take time, but our family will heal."

Ryan shrugged his shoulders.

"I know you don't like to talk much, but even sitting back today and listening will start the healing process."

Ryan bent his head and studied his boots. He sensed, but didn't see Sandy get up and stand beside him. But he felt Sandy cupping the back of his neck and squeezing him close to his side. Ryan realized that he hadn't flinched from Sandy's touch in a very long time.

"Our family will heal, Ryan," Sandy repeated. "I promise you that. And I promise you that you will always be part of this family."

Ryan turned up his lips in a half smile, just to show Sandy that he heard him. Even if he wasn't sure if he believed him.

"And both you and Seth think I can be easily distracted from my original question, but I still want to know what's going on between the two of you."

Ryan looked up. "We'll work it out."

"I've said it once and I'll say it till I'm blue in the face. You and Seth can come to me for anything. I don't want you to be afraid of what I may think or feel. I'm here for you. You boys are my number one priority."

"Yeah." He looked up meeting Sandy's gaze. "I know. But we're okay. We will be. Really. I promise. And if I can't make it right I'll come for help."

"Okay." Sandy hung onto Ryan's gaze for just a moment longer and then clapped his hands together. "You better eat something before we go. You okay to leave in a half hour?"

"Yeah. And Sandy, thanks."

An hour later they piled into the car. Seth took the front seat next to his dad and Ryan took the back seat. He patted his pocket and felt for Captain Oats. He hoped that he would have a chance to sneak the horse into the front seat for Seth to find before they all went inside. But as soon as Sandy parked the Range Rover, Sandy urged them out of the car, not giving him a chance to hang back.

Ryan shuffled his feet, following Seth and Sandy into the treatment center. It was pretty, he thought, as his stomach roiled. The neatly manicured lawns were lush green. It had the same sort of feel as the country club, though the alcohol probably didn't flow at Suriak like it did there.

"I thought we'd visit with Kirsten before we jumped into therapy. You know, just catch up," Sandy explained.

Seth and Ryan nodded their heads.

"We need to sign in."

They approached a tall wooden desk that sat in middle of the lobby. The wood was polished to a high gloss so that Ryan could see his reflection. The floors gleamed. It was hard to believe this was a rehab lace. Sandy scribbled something in the book, smiling at the receptionist.

"We're here to see Kirsten Cohen. I'm her husband and these are our sons." He put an arm around each of them.

The receptionist returned his grin. "I believe Mrs. Cohen is waiting for you in the garden. When Dr. Altman is ready for your session someone will come to get you."

"Thank you," Sandy replied.

She grinned again. Ryan wondered if her face would freeze that way.

"Enjoy your visit," she instructed.

Seth's sneakers squeaked as they followed Sandy to the garden. Ryan felt the acid churning in the pit of his belly. He wanted to throw up. When he was sick, he knew it would make him feel better. He wasn't so sure it would now. They walked through a long narrow corridor, which was filled with doctors in white coats and what Ryan assumed were patients, dressed casually – Newport style.

Sandy walked through the glass door leading to a patio framed with beds of flowers and green lawns. Ryan noticed Kirsten sitting at a round table with its umbrella open to protect her from the shade. The flaps fluttered in the breeze. From a distance, Ryan studied Kirsten, her hair was pulled back severely and her face looked pale as if she had forgotten to put on makeup.

Spotting her men, Kirsten stood up and walked towards them. Sandy met her with two long strides and enveloped her in his arms. They hugged, lingering in each other's grasp for a few moments, before Kirsten turned and swept Seth in her arms. Seth laid his chin on Kirsten's shoulders, holding her tight, squeezing his eyes shut, but keeping back the tears.

"I miss you," he whispered.

"I miss you too."

They let go and Kirsten looked around, her eyes searching hopefully. They landed on Ryan and a shy tentative smile spread on her face. When Ryan didn't step forward, Kirsten walked towards him; arms outstretched and took him in her arms. His back grew rigid and Ryan refused to allow himself to relax in Kirsten's embrace.

Finally, she let go and stepped back, looking Ryan up and down. "I'm so glad you decided to come. Thank you."

He cast his eyes to the ground.

"I – I know I have a lot to make up for. I –" She took a deep breathe. "I'm just so glad you came."

"Me too," he finally admitted. He turned the right side of his mouth up in a half-smile. "I mean, I'm glad to be here."

Sensing that things were getting too heavy too fast, Sandy came over and put his hand on the small of Kirsten's back. "Why don't we all sit down and catch up."

She nodded. "Do you want some drinks first? They have lemonade in the rec room and some cookies too."

Seth shook his head. Sandy politely refused and Ryan said he wasn't thirsty. They all settled into the cushioned chairs and looked around the table from one to the other wondering who would begin.

"So tell me what you're doing during your vacation," Kirsten took charge. She rested her back against the chair, shutting out where she was and just trying to be the mother she was used to being, taking an interest in her boys' lives.

"Well," Seth started, taking his mother's cue. "I've mostly been hanging out with Summer. I think I've seen every movie that's out in this theater. Even this lame indie film called Junebug that Summer dragged me to."

"Why was it lame?" Her voice was tinged with laughter

"It had all these long silences. Then there was this broody brainless brother. They had this cracked artist who painted lots of —" Seth abruptly stopped aware that he should stop while he was ahead.

Kirsten grinned, thrilled that Seth was relaxing and rambling again. She pursed her lips in amusement well aware that he had been heading into forbidden territory.

"What about you Ryan? Did you and –" She stopped herself, realizing that he and Marissa probably weren't hanging out much since she shot his brother. "Did you tag along?"

Ryan shook his head. "No. I'm just hanging around and reading a lot. Going online."

"Really? No video game marathons? No PS2 Superbowl?" Her eyes darted from Ryan to Seth and Seth to Ryan, realizing for the first time how far apart they were sitting. Their backs were half turned so that they weren't even facing each other. Their usual banter was absent. "Okay." Her voice grew stern. "What's going on with the two of you? Sandy why aren't they talking to each other?"


	7. Chapter 7

This is my version of family therapy, much like TPTB version of an intervention. (Six viewing later of that episode and I laugh each time I watch that scene. And I know I'm supposed to cry.) Thanks to **loracj2** for beta-ing. Why after 6 chapter did I decide I should have one, I don't know. But it's always a good idea. But it all belongs to Josh... well with a few exceptions.

* * *

"Sandy?" Kirsten turned to her husband with an expectant look. "What's going on?" She wanted to say something like, _I've been gone for a couple of weeks and this family is falling apart_, but she knew that wasn't fair. In fact, it was her fault if the family was falling apart. "Why aren't the boys talking?"

Sandy guiltily shrugged his shoulders. He should have made Seth and Ryan work through whatever their problem was before coming to Suriak. He hadn't thought that their little spat would spill over to their visit with Kirsten. Slumping down in his seat, he thought, if Kirsten had been home, if they were partners again, then the boys wouldn't be arguing or at least they would have settled it together as a family.

"Ryan?" Kirsten turned to him. When he didn't answer she turned to Seth. Surely Seth couldn't keep quiet. "Seth?"

Seth didn't say anything. But his mother's penetrating glare melted his resolve and despite Ryan's eyes boring holes in his back he was about to spill everything. But a young pretty nurse, with black hair cut in a short bob, and red streaked bangs, interrupted them before he could say anything.

"Mrs. Cohen? Dr. Altman is ready for you and your family."

Kirsten sighed. "Thank you. We'll be right there." She smoothed out her skirt and stood up. "We should go. But we're not done here," she warned over her shoulder.

Seth was glad that the alcohol and Suriak hadn't changed his mom too much. She was still his no nonsense mom; a force to be reckoned with. He watched his father jog a bit to catch up to Kirsten and he slipped his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. His mom seemed to stand straighter when Sandy was next to her. Together, his parents were unstoppable. Separate... separate their entire family was fragmented like the shards of a broken glass.

They reached the therapist's office and followed a confident Kirsten inside. She looked, to Ryan, as if she owned the place. He didn't understand why the prospect of facing all the family's demons didn't frighten her. He knew it frightened him. His stomach was in knots and his knees were wobbly.

The office was decorated simply. A large dark blue area rug with an off white border covered most of the office's floor. Two leather sofas sat on the edge of the carpets, facing each other and a plush leather chair sat between them. Ryan noticed a computer hutch pushed up against the wall. Other than that, save for a few black and white pictures of Central Park, the room felt bare and intimidating.

Sandy and Kirsten sat on one of the sofas, Seth took the second. Ryan hung back as he realized he was supposed to sit with Seth. He ran his tongue over his teeth, trying to spot another chair. It couldn't be that all the families that came for counseling had exactly four people. What did they do?

"Ryan, sit," Kirsten urged. She pointed to the empty spot next to Seth.

He swallowed and took a step forward, waiting to see if Seth objected. When he didn't, he took another more assured step forward and then another until he was at the couch. He sat, relieved when Seth slid over to make more room for him. Though it was obvious he was working hard to stay on his side of the sofa. Ryan's back had barely touched the back of the sofa when Dr. Altman entered the room.

"Good afternoon, Kirsten," the doctor said. He turned to Sandy. "You must be Sandy. I'm Dr. Altman."

Sandy half-stood offering his hand to the therapist. They shook hands and Dr. Altman turned to Ryan and Seth.

"Let me see." Dr. Altman stroked his chin. "Curly dark hair. Takes after his father." He pointed to Seth. "You must be Seth. And you, with coloring that takes after Kirsten, must be Ryan."

While Seth shook hands with Dr. Altman, Ryan threw Kirsten a puzzled look. Certainly, she hadn't told her therapist that he was her son. Kirsten didn't acknowledge the look, but jutted her chin towards the doctor, indicating he was waiting to shake hands with Ryan.

"It's a pleasure to meet all of you." Dr. Altman backed up to his plush leather chair. "I know this has been a difficult time for your family and coming here must be uncomfortable for all of you. Before we start, I'd like to set up a few ground rules.

"This is a safe room. Everything said here is confidential and stays between the five of us. Also, what's said here should not be used as a way to attack each other later on. I want you to all feel you can be honest. That won't work if down the road you use what's said as a weapon. Am I clear?"

They all nodded.

"Great." His eyes scanned the room. "I thought we'd start where you left off at the intervention. Let's discuss how Kirsten's drinking has affected you. Seth, why don't you start things off?"

Seth looked down at his hands. He hadn't expected to go first. He wasn't sure what he expected. This was all so new to him. His parents had urged him to see a counselor when he had first started high school and they thought he wasn't adjusting well, but he had refused and they hadn't pushed him. His stomach lurched. What was he supposed to say? The truth. They were supposed to be honest. He picked up his eyes and let them settle on his mother.

"That's the thing. It never really affected me. Sure, I noticed some tension between you and dad, but dad told me things were okay and that you were working it out. But I never even realized you had started drinking heavily until Dad told me we were having an intervention. I was so self-absorbed by my own life, my stupid teen drama, I didn't realize anything was wrong. I'm so sorry, Mom." Seth choked out the last few words.

"Kirsten," Dr. Altman said softly. "Do you have a response for Seth?"

Kirsten took a deep breath. "Seth, you have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing. I'm relieved that you didn't know and that it didn't affect you right away. I know it was a big shock to you when Dad just sprung the news, but if you had realized any sooner the hurt would have just started that much earlier. I'm glad that you were able to carry on in spite of me."

A tear rolled down Seth's cheek. "I am so sorry," he repeated. "This never would have happened if I hadn't run away last summer-"

Kirsten didn't let Seth finish. "No. You're wrong there, Seth._ I_ have to take responsibility for _my_ drinking. Lots of people have tension in their lives and problems and they don't all turn to alcohol. I could have turned to your father for comfort or taken more Yoga classes or maybe even some counseling, but instead I let alcohol be my comfort blanket. I'm the one who is sorry that you didn't feel like you had a home without Ryan. Obviously, I failed you as a mother."

Seth shook his head. "You might not be perfect, but you never failed me. You were always there. You always listened to me. I've seen some of the other moms in Newport and you make them look like June Cleaver."

Kirsten laughed through her tears. "Not Carol Brady?"

She took the tissue that Sandy handed her and dabbed at her face. Kirsten hadn't expected Seth to blame himself. She thought Ryan might do that, but not Seth. Knowing it would be Ryan's turn to talk next; she wondered what he might hurl at her.

Dr. Altman turned to Ryan. "Ryan would you like to share with Kirsten how her drinking has affected you?"

Ryan rolled up his eyes at the ceiling. He hadn't expected to talk at all. He didn't have to. Sandy had said he could just sit quietly in the background. But everyone's eyes were on him. He hated being the center of attention. Mentally, Ryan shook his head. What had the doctor asked? How had Kirsten's drinking affected him? Before he could stop himself the words were out of his mouth, they just weren't what he had expected to say.

"Why did you tell Dr. Altman that I looked like you? Like I was your son?"

Ryan's question ricocheted off her, like a rubber bullet bouncing off of the walls. They stabbed her right in her heart.

"Honey, Ryan. What do you mean?"

Ryan leveled his stare at her. His eyes were distant cold and dark, just like during the Oliver incident. His eyes were the same now as then, when neither she nor Sandy would listen to him or trust him; when they had made him an outsider in their family.

"I'm not your son. Why would you make it sound like you have two sons? As if you have one that looks just like his dad and the other one that's a fair-haired version of his mother?"

Kirsten closed her eyes tightly, but the tears squeezed out anyway. "Ryan, I am so sorry. I know that this is about what I said at the intervention­— If I had Hermione's Time Turner I would twist it around and around so I could never utter those words."

Ryan aimed the words at Kirsten, but his eyes were searching Seth. What had he said to his mother about his reading habits? "You made it very clear that I am an outsider in your family."

Kirsten drew in a long shaky breath. She had known all along that she would have to face her words, but she hadn't known how painful it would be.

"You weren't drunk. It wasn't the booze talking."

"I know. I know. I was using my words as weapons."

"You didn't use them on Sandy or Hailey. You pleaded with Sandy, and told Hailey how you offered help without judgment during her difficult time. No weapons there."

Kirsten buried her head in her hands.

"Kirsten," Dr. Altman prompted quietly. "Ryan asked you a question."

Slowly, she picked up her head and nodded, feeling Sandy's reassuring hand on the small of her back. She would take her strength from Sandy. He was her anchor. He had always been her anchor.

"When your mom left you with us two years ago, I promised you a better life. I promised you a life that was free of self-indulgent mothers who turned to the bottle for strength and comfort. When you were facing me that afternoon, all I could see was how I'd failed you. I didn't feel like I had failed as a wife or as a sister, but I had failed you as a mother, Ryan.

"It doesn't excuse what I said. I can't take the words back or the hurt. I know that. But the words didn't come out of hate. They didn't come out of any deep-rooted hidden feelings that I didn't want you in my family. It came out of my knowledge that I didn't do what I promised."

Ryan studied the rug. He had turned the words over in his head for weeks and not once had he come up with that scenario. "How could you think that you failed me?" His words were barely audible, but they reached Kirsten's ears. "You could never fail me."

"I promised you a different life, but I just gave you the same old problems in a different wrapping."

He shook his head. "Dawn, she never really tried to get better for us. No matter how many times Trey or I asked her, she wouldn't go to rehab. The longest she ever quit drinking was the week after she kicked me out. She always chose the alcohol over us. But you – you chose your family before the alcohol. And even while you were drinking you never stopped being a mom."

"I know I don't deserve it, but will you ever be able to forgive me for what I said?"

"Let's just take it slow."

"I can do that. We can all do that, right?"

She looked from Sandy to Seth. Sandy squeezed her hand, agreeing with her in his non verbal way, but Seth didn't say anything.

"Seth?" She implored. When he still didn't answer, she shook her head in frustration. "Okay, what's going on between the two of you?" No one answered. "I'm an alcoholic," Kirsten declared. "I'm not blind." She looked at Dr. Altman. "I know this probably veers from the agenda, but my boys, who are usually best of friends, like brothers, have not said one word to each other since they arrived here."

Dr. Altman bowed his head. "Go ahead."

Kirsten slid forward, until she was sitting on the edge of the couch. She mustered every ounce of parental authority and said, "One of you is going to tell me what this is about and we're not going anywhere until the two of you work it out."


	8. Chapter 8

I should go to bed. The alarm is set for tomorrow, my first day back at work in two months. I'm sure there will be lots of mistakes. No Beta.  
I don't own it.

Thanks for all the wonderful positive reviews. It's been fun writing this.

* * *

Kirsten crossed her arms and tapped her foot as she waited for an answer. "Ryan, why won't you talk to Seth?"

All of Ryan's fortitude to hate Kirsten had melted. He couldn't resist her when she put on her mom cape. She was nothing like Dawn. Dawn had always chosen the men or the booze before she had chosen him and Trey. But despite the liquor, being a mom came first to Kirsten. So even though he wanted to remain silent, Ryan defensively answered, "He's not talking to me!"

"Seth?" Kirsten turned to Seth, but Ryan could still see her insistent stare. And he recognized the tone of voice she was using. It always sent a chill down his back. "Why aren't you talking to Ryan?"

"Because he stole Captain Oats and he won't give him back."

Kirsten felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water at her face. She had expected to hear a gory story about backstabbing and girlfriend swapping or some other teenage drama. The truth was, she couldn't imagine what the argument was about. It was difficult to fathom anything that would cause a crack in the armor that was the friendship between Seth and Ryan, but Captain Oats?

"Captain Oats? Your plastic horse?" When Seth nodded she turned to Ryan. "Why would you take Seth's toy?"

Kirsten tried not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. The boys were seventeen. Not ten. She could feel Sandy convulsing in silent laughter beside her. This was no time for her husband to get giddy. She needed him beside her as a partner. The boys needed to know that despite everything that they were a unit.

"Ryan? Kirsten asked you something." Kirsten sighed with relief when Sandy spoke up, 'tagging in' as Seth liked to call it, though there was a slight tremor in his voice that she hoped they didn't notice.

If he did, it didn't bother Ryan. He stared at the floor, but didn't answer.

"Ryan, we're waiting," Sandy said.

Kirsten had often tried to picture Ryan as a young boy, but she could never do it. He had come to her, broken and scarred with an immense desire to just be a kid. And there were times she had seen the shy innocent teenager emerge, but for the most part she only saw the full-grown man living in her pool house.

At that moment, watching Ryan sitting slumped down in his corner of the couch, legs splayed, arms crossed against his chest and a surly expression on his face, for the first time Kirsten could picture what he might have been like when he was a young teen. Instead of seeing the young man with a hint of stubble, she saw the pale-faced, prepubescent Ryan staring out at her. For a split second, Kirsten could even imagine what it might have been like to raise both Ryan and Seth together. To have them bickering and arguing with each other. Life would have been very different for all of them.

Seeing how upset he was, Kirsten wanted to reach out and scoop him up in her arms, assure him that nothing he did could upset her. But as he kept up his silence, refusing to answer their question, she also wanted to take Ryan by the shoulders and shake him. She looked at Seth too and thought maybe she'd do the same thing to him.

"This is ridiculous. I'm tempted to start taking away some privileges," Kirsten said. "No car for a month? Maybe we'll put away the playstation for a while. It's summer. I imagine your activities will be curtailed somewhat if you don't have an allowance. If someone doesn't start talking soon—"

Kirsten didn't have to finish her thought. Ryan pursed his lips as he realized Kirsten and Sandy wouldn't leave this conversation for another time. "Seth promised to keep a confidence, which he didn't. Taking Captain Oats was my revenge."

Sandy and Kirsten twisted their heads to Seth with expectant expressions on their faces. Kirsten felt like a ping pong ball going from one son to the other, trying to get to the bottom of their story. Getting their version of things was like trying to draw water from a dry well.

"Seth?" Kirsten demanded with an exasperated sigh.

But Seth didn't answer Kirsten. Instead he turned his body halfway so he was facing Ryan. "I told Trey!"

"Trey?" Kirsten looked questioningly at Sandy. "Trey woke up from his coma?"

"No. That's just it," Seth exploded. "I told an unconscious Trey Ryan's big secret."

Why was Seth visiting Trey? What was the secret? How dare Seth not keep his promise to his brother? Kirsten's head was swimming with questions. She started to shoot them out like rapid-fire bullets. Half of it, she admitted to herself was curiosity. Mostly, she wanted to fix things between the boys.

"I was visiting Trey because Ryan wasn't." Seth was looking down at his hands, which he kept in his lap. "If anything were to happen to Trey…" His voice was low. "I didn't want Ryan to ever feel like his brother died alone. I get why you wouldn't want to see him, but I didn't want you to regret your decision. Especially if something happens."

Kirsten knew Seth was often self-absorbed, but every so often he showed moments of maturity that made her swell with pride.

"I never asked you to do that," Ryan shot back.

"I know."

"And even if you were doing it for me, it doesn't change that you told him."

"I know. I know. I made a mistake. But come on, you know how I am… and sometimes it's hard coming up with something to say to the guy. He doesn't answer back and it isn't because of the famous Atwood silence. I didn't feel like I was spilling the secret. It wasn't like he could or would tell anyone."

Kirsten threw up her hands. "Can someone please tell me what this big secret is?" She turned to her husband. "Sandy?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure," he said, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants.

"Ryan? Seth?"

Both boys looked at their shoes.

"Seth?"

"I'm not telling the secret." He spat out indignantly. "It's Ryan's to tell."

"Okay. You're right." Kirsten turned to Ryan.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Do I have to tell?"

Again, Kirsten was reminded of a very young boy. "No. No you don't." She sighed. "I just want the two of you to work it out." She put her hand on Sandy's knee hoping to gather strength. "So, Seth told Trey and you took Captain Oats and Seth stopped speaking to you. Have I caught the gist of it?"

"Yeah," Ryan and Seth mumbled simultaneously.

Kirsten bit the inside of her lip. When she got passed the part where Ryan refused to confide in her, she realized this was hilarious.

"So Seth do you believe you owe Ryan an apology?"

Seth rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry, man. Your secret is still safe with me."

"Ryan," Kirsten said. "First thing when you get home, I expect you to return Captain Oats."

"I can do it now." He dug deep into the pocket of his cargo pants and pulled out Captain Oats. He gave it to Seth.

"Thanks," Seth muttered. His eyes lit up though as soon as Captain Oats was safe in his hands. He resisted the urge to talk to him in front of his parents and Ryan. All eyes were on him and suddenly, Seth was keenly aware that Dr. Altman was still in there and he felt stupid.

"Obviously, the two of you still need to talk this out." Sandy realized that the tension between the boys had not eased. "Maybe you need some time alone."

Dr. Altman cleared his throat. "I'm sorry," he said when he had the family's attention. "This session ran a little long and I do have another session in a few minutes."

Kirsten jumped up. "I'm so sorry, Dr. Altman. We didn't mean to take up so much of your time."

"Not at all. I thought this was wonderful. Your family might have things to work out, but I don't doubt that you'll be able to do it. I hope to see everyone back next week."

"I think that would be a good idea," she agreed.

They filed out of the office and into the hall.

"I'm sorry, Mom," Seth apologized. "I shouldn't have brought my personal problems into the session." He clutched Captain Oats close to his side.

Kirsten reached up and patted Seth's cheek. He was taller than her. He had been for a while, yet it still felt odd to her. Unnatural. "That's what we were in there for."

"Yeah, but—"

"No buts."

"Mom, don't say buts."

"You're being a smart ass."

Seth ducked his head, hiding a hint of a smile.

"Look, Seth. Ryan, you too. Come here."

Ryan, who had been leaning against the wall, with one foot pressed against it, pushed off and walked three steps towards Seth and Kirsten.

"I'm not sure how long I'll be here before I'm able to come home." She took Ryan's arm and brought him closer. "I have a lot to work out. And we have things to work out as a family. We had a good start today. But you two are the heart of this family and cannot fight. We'd fall apart if you weren't talking."

Sandy stepped back and let Kirsten have her moment with the boys. Watching her and knowing that she wasn't coming home with them, made his heart ache. He missed her so much.

"Do you hear me?" she asked. Seth nodded. So did Ryan. "Good. I hope that means that the two of you will finish this at home and work things out. I expect to hear that silly banter the next time you visit me."

"Yes ma'am." Seth gave her a mock salute.

She tousled his hair and grumbled, "Smart ass."

"We better get going," Sandy said softly.

Seth kissed his mother's cheek, told her good-bye, and started to walk away. Sandy did the same, throwing an arm around Seth's shoulder. But Ryan lingered.

"Kirsten."

"Yes, Ryan."

"I read Harry Potter and the night the latest book came out, I went to the book store for the release party."

Kirsten furrowed her brows. She felt like Ryan was talking another language.

"That's the secret."

"Oh." Slowly, a shy smile spread on her face. Leaning towards Ryan, she whispered conspiratorially, "I've read the series too. I think half the patients here were reading Harry Potter."

Ryan grinned. "I guess I overreacted. I mean, Seth's been really good to me. Better than my blood brother, right?" He fiddled with one of the flaps on his pants. "I told Trey that day I didn't want to see him anymore. I think Seth still goes, you know, to visit him, even though I took Captain Oats from him. And I was torturing him with it."

Kirsten arched her brows in question. Ryan filled her in, not glossing over any of the details. She didn't bother to hide her amusement. "Poor Seth," she said when Ryan finished his story. "You know, Seth loves you as much as you love him. Brothers do that. They fight and argue, but they come around. You and Seth will come back from this."

"If Trey wakes up, you think we can come back from…" he twirled his hand in the air, "this too?"

"I don't know. The two of you have been through a lot together. Good and lately bad. But you and Trey share a bond and history that runs long and deep."

"Sometimes I hope he doesn't make it. I know that makes me a terrible person."

"No. It makes you human." She took Ryan by the elbow, hoping he would look her in the eyes instead of the linoleum floors. "You and Trey have very serious issues to work out. I hope that you have the chance to come to some sort of understanding. But you might not. That's the reality. I wish it were different. I wish —"

"You had Hermione's Time Turner?" he finished for her.

Kirsten giggled. "Yes. And don't tell Seth I read Harry Potter too. He'll never let me live it down."

"Now that he has Captain Oats back, he'll never let me live it down."

"Well, don't let him get to you." She noticed Ryan straighten as if to leave. They could both see Sandy and Seth standing off to the side, patiently waiting for them to finish. "I love you, Ryan."

"I love you too."

She squeezed his arm. "You and Seth will work things out and we're all going to be okay."

Ryan waved good-bye and jogged to catch up with Sandy and Seth.

FIN


End file.
